I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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