Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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