So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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