You can't special order awesome
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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