woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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