Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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