"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
