the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
