My sheets look like a crime scene.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
