How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The maid of honor just puked.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
