So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
