So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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