Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
