can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
