thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
