Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
