I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my liver is dry heaving
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
