i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
