The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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