i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
