I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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