i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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