Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
