My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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