Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
