let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
