considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
