Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
