I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
