I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
