I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are two peas in an std pod
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
