ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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