scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
