Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
