wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
