the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
