Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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