My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
there is puke in my bra ... again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
