she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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