he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
