I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
