shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
