I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
