I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
