It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
