go do what you do best...puke behind churches
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
