I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
