i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
