I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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