I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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