Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
