Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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