Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
