alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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