Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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